The world of baby sleep is full of one size fits all advice when it comes to supporting better sleep. Scrolling social media, doing a quick google search, even asking your pediatrician can result in blanket statements that assume that all babies need the same things to sleep well. You find a lot of rigid,
absolute advice given without any individualization or acknowledgement that there could be a range of needs or experiences. However, babies are not robots. They are tiny humans, and they have a wide range of needs just like adults do. They have unique temperaments, sensory needs, sleep needs, and capacity for nudges to be more independent. So why don’t we have more sleep information that encourages parents to figure out their baby’s sleep needs so that they can support them in a more individualized way? As a Holistic Sleep Coach and IBCLC, this holistic, individualized, and developmentally based approach to
supporting sleep is what I do and where I wish all sleep information would land. To understand your baby’s sleep and confidently ignore the one size fits all advice out there, let’s go through some of the common factors that shape your baby’s own sleep needs.

Are you being given developmentally informed norms to help set your expectations?

Baby sleep is the topic most full of misinformation. This makes it really challenging to figure out how best to support sleep, and what is a realistic goal or expectation in the first place. A few high-level expectations that can ground you in more realistic views on normal sleep are below.

• Most babies wake several times a night throughout the first year and into early toddlerhood. One very large study tracked waking over the first 2 years. They found the following average nightly wakes over time:
  • 3-month-olds wake 2.2 times a night;
  • 6-month-olds wake 2.5 times;
  • 12-month-olds wake 1.8 times;
  • 18-month-olds wake 1.1 times;
  • 24-month-olds wake 0.9 times a
    night (Paavonen et al., 2020). These numbers are echoed in other studies.
• Most babies and young toddlers need support to fall asleep. One study found that 50% of 12-month-olds needed parental support to fall back asleep (Goodlin et al., 2001).
• Most babies and many toddlers need nighttime feeds. One study found that 6–12-month-old babies fed on average 1.4 times a night (Brown & Harries, 2015).

Preparing for some level of waking and night feeds throughout the first year and into early toddlerhood will set you up for more sustainable solutions than the unrealistic expectation that all babies should be sleeping through the night by a specific age.

RELATED: 10 Tips to Gently Help Baby Sleep

What are your family or cultural values around healthy sleep?

A large portion of our beliefs around healthy sleep are culturally based. In the US, we are focused on early bedtimes, long naps, and independent crib sleep. However, many other cultures embrace later bedtimes, contact naps, and bedsharing as the norm. Figuring out what is most important to you as a parent and understanding your own cultural influences can help you tune out unhelpful narratives about what sleep should look like, and tune into what makes sense for your family.

How much sleep does your baby need?

There is a wide range of sleep needs at any given age. Many popular baby sleep sources trend towards sharing the high end of the normal range rather than sharing the full range of norms. Trying to get a low sleep needs baby to sleep the same amount as a higher sleep needs baby is going to lead to frustration and poorer quality sleep for everyone.

Average total sleep in the first year

• 0-3 months – 14-17 hours
• 3-6 months – 13-15 hours
• 6-9 months 12-15 hours
• 9-12 months – 12-14 hours
• 1-3 years – 11-14 hours.

Breaking it down a bit more, nighttime sleep averages are rarely the 12 hours you hear. They most typically average….

• Newborns – random
• 3-6 months – 9-10 hours overnight inclusive of a few brief wakes and feeds.
• 6-12 months – 10-11 hours overnight inclusive of a few brief wakes and feeds.
• 1-2 years – 10-11 hours still often including brief wakes to a lesser extent than the first year.

These are the most typical ranges, and some babies will fall outside of them. That can be ok sometimes. Often a baby who sleeps longer at night will need less daytime sleep, and a long napper may need less nighttime sleep. You can read more info on developmental norms here:

RELATED: Developmentally Appropriate Sleep Expectations Birth to Age 5

What is their temperament?

Temperament is one of the most predictive factors in what kind of sleeper you have and is often the  reason one size fits all sleep advice fails. Babies are tiny humans, and like adults, they have different temperaments. Their intensity, persistence, sensitivity, and regularity all vary. Temperament has a huge
influence over what kind of sleeper you have and what strategies work to support sleep and navigate changes.

The Dandelion-Orchid Spectrum:

Based on Dr. Thomas Boyce’s research, babies can be broadly categorized as:

• Dandelions: Easy-going, resilient, adaptable, and more likely to be outgoing.
• Orchids: Highly sensitive, introverted, anxious, less adaptable, and less able to handle stress.

About 15-20% of people are orchids. Like the flowers they are named for,
dandelions can thrive under a whole range of conditions while orchids need more sensitive, responsive, and particular parenting to thrive. Not all orchids or dandelions are going to be the same, it is a spectrum after all. However, expecting your more sensitive baby to sleep like an easy-going baby just sets you up for frustration and struggle. Understanding your baby’s temperament will help you pick tools and strategies that support their individual needs to feel safe, secure, and relaxed around sleep.

RELATED: Safe Infant Sleep

Do They Have Any Sensory Preferences You Need to Consider?

Sensory needs often go hand-in-hand with temperament. Some babies have strong sensory preferences, and figuring these out is necessary for supporting a relaxed baby who can sleep well.

• Sensory Seekers: Babies who need more sensory stimulus than average.
• Sensory Avoiders: Babies who need less sensory stimulus than average.

Regardless of whether a baby shows these preferences, understanding what sensory inputs help your baby feel grounded and relaxed will shape your routines and environment.

Sleep is influenced by a range of factors. We would never expect all adults to sleep in the same patterns and need the same environment and routines. Viewing baby sleep as a more nuanced and individualized process opens up so many more opportunities to understand your baby and support their best version of sleep in any given phase.

Kim Hawley is a holistic sleep coach and IBCLC with 7.5 years of experience supporting families in navigating the complexities of baby and toddler sleep. As the owner of Intuitive Parenting in Washington, DC, Kim specializes in helping parents understand what’s biologically normal and developmentally appropriate for their little ones.

As a mom to two school-aged kids who were wakeful, sensitive, and intense, Kim understands the challenges of sleep firsthand. Her approach empowers parents to release guilt, stress, and external expectations about what sleep “should” look like. Instead, she focuses on fostering connection, offering gentle strategies that help families find more rest while nurturing attachment, supporting healthy development, and building confidence in parental intuition.

Kim does not use sleep training methods in her work and loves exploring the interplay between the biology and cultural expectations of sleep. She’s passionate about guiding families toward sleep solutions that align with their values and promote long-term well-being for both parents and children.

Connect with her at Intuitive Parenting DC

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